tell your sister to shave her snatch
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
