This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
