Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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