his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
