You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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