I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
