Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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