Having a random hookup so left but love u
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
