Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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