Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
