i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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