..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
