i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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