Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish my penis had a tongue
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
whose parrot is this?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
