Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
