you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
