Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
