Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
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