he shaved USA in his pubs
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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