My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
