I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize