thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
