FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
