You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
