even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize