Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
