Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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