I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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