1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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