I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
