Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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