we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
