Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
