are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
