Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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