I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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