I want to make a zoo with you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
