your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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