my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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