two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
