Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
