You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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