Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
