my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
