Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
