I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
