You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
