My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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