you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
