I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
