her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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