you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
