I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
