So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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