Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
