I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
