An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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