Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
