Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
this hospital has no fireball
I am one with the molecules
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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