My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
