Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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