So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
