then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
