you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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