hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
