There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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