Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
