I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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