I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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