Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
