guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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