Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
