i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
