I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize