just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize